Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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