Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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