dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
