...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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