I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
