Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
