people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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