I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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