what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
