hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
