Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
