everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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