Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
