I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
