There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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