just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
