I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
