Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
