nut hugger
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
