I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Terrible idea I love it
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
