I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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