Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
