Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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