Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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