i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
this hospital has no fireball
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
