oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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