Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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