i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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