You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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