One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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