You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
