I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my sisters under your porch take her home
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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