You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
