The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
