I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
