Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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