Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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