his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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