Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
