Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
