In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
zippers are such a cool invention
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Randomize
