I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
