my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
