What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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