i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
