I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you traded sex for a burrito?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
