Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You are the jesus of drinking
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
