Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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