you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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