hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
