Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I die, sorry about rent.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
