everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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