Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
