all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
