i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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