My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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