More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
