Taylor Swift is so right about you.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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